How to Stay Married
Ok, so this comes at a time when I have been surrounded by multiple couples that have had marital issues due to either emotional or physical affairs.
This breaks my heart when I hear story after story of couples that I know and love having issues when there seems to be no problems at all. These 5 couples have had major marital issues due to LIFE getting in the way.
I was raised to believe that Marriage is for life. Not for “a season” or until things get “uncomfortable” or you get “tired.” You know what? Sports have “seasons,” not marriages! Driving to vacation is “uncomfortable,” but you still go every year.
You get “tired” daily but you wake up the next day and go again.
Marriage is for LIFE and let me clue you in on something-IT’S HARD WORK. If anyone tells you any different, they are lying and you need to never listen to anything they say again. If someone tells you that marriage is easy and it’s a bed of roses, that is a lie from the pit of HELL that smells of smoke.
Marriage takes effort, time, patience, humility, wisdom and most of all Jesus.
Bare with me, this is not going to be a sermon. I have only been married 9 years but I have seen marriages that have failed miserably. In each case, one or both of the parties in those marriages were not focusing on the things that I am talking about below.
I do not know all there is to know about marriage, but when these next 6 things are done, you will have a better chance of staying married….happily.
1. BE SELFLESS
When you put that ring on before all your friends and family and God, you said “It is not about just me anymore. It is about the one looking me in the face.” We must be willing to put the other first. As my wife calls it “prefer the other person.” There are a lot of things that you probably got used to as a single person, but that all changed when you walked down the aisle. You have to kill that desire that was put inside of you when Eve ate that stinking apple many moons ago.
We are inherently selfish and we have to fight against that daily. You’re probably saying to yourself that you are not selfish. Don’t hurt your arm by patting yourself on the back before you realize that you are. It’s called SIN. Think of this. Have you ever heard a 2 year old say “mine.” Yes, go ahead and nod your head, you have. His parents did not teach him that. The human nature inside of him causes that. The good thing is you have now been told and you can now guard against that as you go about your daily life.
Application: For the next 24 hours, think like your spouse. Filter every decision through the lens of their eyes. Any doubt? Make the decision in their favor. You will be amazed at what will happen.
I know this term is so overused today. I hear it in my place of work all the time. But here is the thing-the more information that is passed from one person to another, the less likely you are to have a misunderstanding over one thinking the other knew something when they really didn’t.
A lot of arguments start because one person thought they told their spouse something when they really didn’t. OR one person really did tell the person something and the recipient of the info was not listening. They heard the info but they did not listen.
Sit down with your spouse and talk. WOW. That was insightful. Everyone uses the excuse of being busy. But here is the thing-you find time for what you want to find time for. If your schedule is so packed that you cannot spend 30 min sitting down with your spouse then you need to do 1 of 2 things.
1. Loosen up that schedule a little bit.
2. Sleep less.
Make sure the other person is truly hearing what you are saying. This sounds really mushy but you know what? If you missed as many details at work as you do with your spouse, they would fire you. Want to stay married? Talk to your spouse.
Application: Start slow and spend 5 min talking to your spouse face to face, no media, no phone. Just the 2 of you.
3. GET REAL
This is a piggyback off of the previous one. You have to get real with one another. You have to ask the other person
“Where am I lacking or what can I do better?”
The hard part is you have to put your big boy pants on and take the answer. Don’t get mad at what they have to say. The good thing is you now know what you have to work on instead of being in the dark.
You also have to be able to be honest with the other when you are struggling with something. Guys, you have to have the nuts to go to your wife and tell her you are struggling with PORN. Ladies you have to be thankful to the God in heaven that you have a man that can be honest with you, that he is telling you instead of watching it behind your back. Ladies, you have to be able to tell your husband when someone is hitting on you at work or at the grocery store and you enjoyed it. It made you feel like you were special.
Communication does this:
A. If frees the person that does the telling. It is like a 1000lb weight off your back.
B. It lets the person being told know how to help the struggling spouse.
C. It makes both parties accountable.
Application: Both of you read this then tell 1 thing you need to get out.
We will be back soon with Part 2. Go apply the above and let me know how it turns out. Comment below. Make up a fake name in the comment box if you want.
Have a Fit Day.